I had a meeting with Lucy’s teacher yesterday. I feel like I’ve had a hundred meetings at Lucy’s school over the last three years. I pulled into the drive, parked my car, walked through the gate and into her classroom.
That day Lucy had a field trip to a place called Kiddie Acres. It’s this kind of old-school, carnival type place. Ferris wheel, carousel, miniature train, lots of little rides. I wasn’t able to go, because I’ve gone back to work, and missed several days over the last few weeks due to Lucy being ill. It’s a field trip I’ve gone on with her every other year, and so I was sad that I wasn’t going on this one. Luckily, my dad was available to go with her, and they had a ball. But it’s the last time she will take a field trip to that place, and I was bummed not to be there.
It was also the last time I will sit in that preschool classroom, in a tiny blue chair at a tiny low table talking with Lucy’s teacher and feeling like a giant. It is the last time I will feel like a giant. It is the only place I have felt like a giant. (Which is cool, when I usually feel like a mouse.) It is the last meeting I will have with her teacher, who was the first person outside of the house Lucy ever trusted. We are changing campuses for kindergarten and so it may be the last time I see her at all.
We had a great meeting. She is excited for Lucy to go to kindergarten. Lucy is excited for Lucy to go to kindergarten. I’m trying to be excited, too. It’s hard to leave safe places. When we were finished, she walked out with me and after she locked the door behind her, we said goodbye and it felt like we should hug, but we didn’t. I walked back up the sidewalk, through the gate and to my car. Backed out, and followed the circle drive around and out; the same circle drive I’d sat in hundreds of days and waited to see Lucy come around the corner from her class and run to the gate, thrilled to see me standing by the car, waiting to receive her. I know that will be the last time I make that circle.
It is an odd feeling of finality. I know we are looking forward to new beginnings, but her preschool was a very special place, for very special people, and I’m sad to say goodbye. I can’t believe the years have gone so fast.